Saturday, July 30, 2005
I can't stop thinking of you.
Regardless of the effort I've put into doing so.
You've settled in a part of my mind
and I can't get you out.
Or maybe I don't want to, I don't know.
Inadvertently, I'm on a lookout for you.
But whenever I see you, I appear nonchalant
as if you're non-existent, so I look away.
I can never find the answer to that.
Perhaps I can never talk to you without yearning
Can never think of you without agony
Can never miss you without tears in my eyes.
Can never look in your eyes and tell myself I don't love you.
Honestly, maybe it's easier hating you than loving you
Maybe I want to be selfish just this once
I don't know if I could carry on in this friendship.
I'm sorry.
12:30 AM
Thursday, July 28, 2005
I've had many times I can tell you
Times when innocence I'd trade for company
And children saw me crying
I thought I'd had my share of that
But these miss you nights are the longest
Midnight diamonds stud my heaven
Southward burning lie the jewels that eye your place
And the warm winds that embrace me
Just as surely kissed your face
Yet those miss you nights they're the longest
Lay down,
Lay down all thoughts of your surrender
It's only me who's killing time
Play down,
Play down all dreams once remembered
It's just the same, this miss you game
Thinking of my going
How to cut the thread and leave it all behind
Looking windward for my compass
I take each day as it arrives
But these miss you nights are the longestThese miss you nights are the longest.
I miss you, so much.
10:13 PM
Today's fucked up.
Didn't go to school today. I think if I had gone, it'd be worse due to the long hours. Didn't see a doc to get an MC either. So detention for me. Great. Was listening to her playlist on the way to bishan to meet Chang when my ipod suddenly stopped playing music, and was yet was still alternating between songs. And finally, it just died on me, with the refusal of being used. Wtf. Now I have to go and fucking repair it and I can't listen to music anymore just when I'm getting so reliant on it. Ugh. That added on to my infuriation. It's not as if my phone made my day any better because there was fucking no msges I wanted to receive. Fuck electronics. (Pardon my farcicality)
Watching the Island helped dulcify me a little. Thank goodness. But an impromptu decision to have a haircut didn't help with that at all. I had some spa treatment shit which totally freezed my scalp, with smoke/mist all over me which made it seem as though I was on a cloud or smth. Afterwhich, Linda cut my hair really short. Cheryl didn't really like it. That didn't make me feel any better. :/
Now, things just get even better. Dinah just msged to inform me that the Blake's test has been moved forward to tmr and my lit notes are all with Cheryl. Fucking hell. And I wonder if I'll ever get any notification from my classmates if Dinah hadn't msged. Thank God for Dinah, really. So I've a lit test AND exam tmr. Both which I bloody can't study for. I'm so pissed off and frustrated yet I can't hurl bottles nor punch walls anymore. I need an outlet desperately. Maybe I should just cry.
Please don't let this day get any worse.
Please. :(
9:05 PM
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
oh my fucken shit.
I've been receiving overseas calls for the last 20mins, but whenever i pick up the phone, the other party hangs up. It has happened 4 times so far. Initially, I thought it would be Andrea, Cart or Em. UNTIL a msg came in with words that are absolutely incomprehensible. The only words that I could make out from that msg were my name and 'I MISS YOU FOREVER'. yes it was in caps. And the number starts with a +6285.... so obviously it's not from Australia. Mom says it's either indonesia or the philippines. The msg itself seems to be malayu. Fuck! another phone call again! And another! knn. This is freaking the shit out of my asshole.
Anyway! So I replied that fella "Who are you?" and guess what was his/her reply to me?
"ko kmu lpa si ma aku pdhal kta kan da jnji akn slu brsma, aku sayang bngt ma kmu bel, aku jg brharap kw kmu sayang ma aku? i love you da dong jng bcanda lg yg sayang?" Okay, so tell me, WHO comprehends that? :/ Bluidy hell. Can't these pranksters give me a break? I've already received so many calls of this ilk this year! Annoying stalkers. HAHA! okay I just pray that he/she doesn't reply me when I asked him/her "can you type in english?" wahahaha. Tricia's right. I'm such a bitch. :/
11:16 PM
Today is Changity Chang's birthday. (:
The one person who's my rationality whenever I'm irrational and farcical. The one person whom I'm not afraid to divulge almost every single bit of me to. She's like the other puzzle piece that comprises my being, the other half of it. Like they say, we come in pairs. And although we squabble over the pettiest things, being bitches to each other, I'm very grateful to have found someone like her.
So to you, my closest friend,
Happy 17th Birthday. (:Headed down to Holland Village's NYDC for a small birthday dinner but ended up in voluminous roars of laughter. I really had so much fun, and hope the birthday girl did too. It just feels so right whenever all of us meet up. If only Andrea, Cart and Em were still here. Tricia and Matthew joined in for dinner too. We ordered a mudpie with a CHERRY on top together with a candle just for her! and it was also with courtesy of Charity who works there currently. (:
Well, albeit the scenario might be different this year, with the feeling that something's missing and everything, I hope you still had a good evening of fun. Take care, and do cheer up. (:
10:26 PM
Sunday, July 24, 2005
James Blunt makes me cry. Especially his two songs
You're Beautiful and
Goodbye My Lover.
Liberation. Detachment. Immunity.
That's all I need right now.
May my five senses fail me.
So that I wouldn't be captivated by your beauty
I wouldn't taste your imaginary saccharine kiss
I wouldn't feel the tenderness of your touch
I wouldn't hear the sweetness of your voice
I wouldn't smell the essence of you.
And I wouldn't fall in love with you again.
11:47 PM
Rapture was good. Brilliant pieces of choreography, and the dancers were impressive themselves. Overall, it was fantastic. Gold with honours is indeed what they deserve.
Jialing was the MC of the event, looking good in her black dress. (: Met Chow, Alice and the rest there too. As well as other stmargs girls. Met Sophie, June, Freda and Nic there too. The place was packed, the roads were blocked, the traffic was horrendous. :/
Headed down to town afterwhich to meet Tricia. Sorry dear, for making you wait so long at that late hour. They had supper then headed for home. Dad actually cooked supper for me when I got home since I didn't eat earlier. It was a little weird, but I won't deny that I appreciated that bowl of maggie a lot. Even though I was full after a few mouthfuls, I forced the noodles down. I can't even remember when was the last time he actually cooked for me.
Overall, it was a good day. Afterall, it's my anniversary with Sem. 6 years and going, yes? (: I just wish I didn't have to end my day with such a heavy heart.
1:27 AM
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Went back to Ghim Moh this morning for the Speech Day Ceremony. Saw the teachers that made it possible for me to actually make it this far and I was really happy to have seen them. They made just a big impact on my life, far greater than the ones in Stmargs did. Perhaps because they were mostly hypocrites to me. -shrugs.
Being someone who suffers from aphonia, I was very apprehensive when I took each step closer to the stage. I even imagined myself tripping over my own feet or something. :/ Well anyway, I collected the prize for being best in Bio/Chem. I won't deny that I was pleased because I know I would have been highly disappointed if I didn't attain that award.
I realised that the people whom you deem is important to you, may not exactly see you the way you see them. Everyone owns a different pair of eyes, a different perception anyway. But I guess it's just disappointing when that someone else doesn't reciprocate your feelings towards them. After all, we leave different weightages of our footprints in every life we've encountered. I just hope I'll be remembered.
2:00 PM
Friday, July 22, 2005
When I was amorous of you,
I fell for you over and over again.
One smile from you is all it takes.
It was that easy.
It was gruelling as I grappled to put you out of my thoughts.
But I succeeded after being through perdition.
Well, somewhat I did.
And now,
after time has shifted our worlds further apart,
our personalities probably altered a little,
as we find ourselves caught in conflicting situations with obligations and priorities to fulfill,
I found myself falling in love with you all over again.
The very moment I looked into your eyes,
and saw the glister of perpetual heaven there.
Would you ever come back to me?
7:27 PM
Thursday, July 21, 2005
I miss Andrea.The funny gawking faces. The one of a kind expressions. The gorgeous smile. The understanding given and received. The inadvertently comforting msges. The conversations that make me smile to myself. The prominence of your presence. The love shared, even if it's in silence. I miss you so much. Anticipating December badly :(
I miss Sem.The jokes and the laughter easily brought to me. The cheesy smiles that never fail to make me grin. The hugs, the oh so ever comforting hugs. The natural high I feel whenever I'm with you. The times when we had all the time in the world just for each other. The understanding of my rollercoaster emotional rides. The love that never relinquishes but only grows, even despite absence. We used to be so close.
I miss Emily and Cart.The absolute craziness and hilarity. The explosion when they come together. The non-stop laughing fits. The smiles they always put on my face. Their lingering presence, their bona fide essence. Truly a sunshine to my life. I want you both back in Singapore. December December.
Last but not least,
I miss Tricia.
11:52 PM
I'm eating my dinner now. Kokokrunch in Iced Milo. Like Bernie would say.. 'Shiioookkkkk'. haha
Racial Harmony Celebrations in school today. A rather short session though, and a fucking long day till 5. It's really quite a miracle that I managed to stay in school the whole day. Usually, it's either I'm absent on thursdays or I'd leave earlier. 2 preferably. (tricia knows why) Haha. And I went to school without studying for my geog test but managed to look through my notes rather adequately to sit for the test. Honestly, I was quite pleased with myself that I was able to regurgitate whatever I've just read into the paper itself though I think I'd still fail but nvm. At least I know what Urban Geography is about. Haha.
Anyway, I wore the Indian Male's ethnic costume today, which got chong calling me 'small indian boy' repetitively. (I could have punched his face if I was in a bad mood). Wanyi wore a brown sari which you borrowed from Cart. Pretty ladyyy. haha. Dinah was supposed to wear one but she pangsehed me. (rahr!) haha so anyway, Wanyi couldn't remember how to wear the sari in the morning so we had to seek Tricia for help. Apparently, she was already busy in the toilet wrapping other girls up with their curtains. Haha. And she, in her green sari, looked good as expected. (: I sneaked outta class during her lunch break just to take a picture with her. Ran all the way down from the 5th storey man. Basket. And had a humiliating experience while entering the class again. :/
Went to town for a short while to meet Wanwan, and met Sem and Veena for a bit too. Headed down to Chomp Chomp (IN MY ETHNIC COSTUME) to meet Dawn, Jen, Bernie, with Andrea and Chang after we met at amk station. I had to treat Andrea to sugarcane cos I was just a MERE MINUTE away. SHIT. haha ohwell. Was nice seeing her and bernie again though. (:
11:30 PM
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Wrong. Just so fucking wrong.
I'm thinking too much into impossibility.
Sigh, I'm exhausted.
I'm going to bed.
Sleeping in and never waking up.
Fuck school, fuck my life.
10:32 PM
I've been so exhausted lately. Everyday I wake up feeling the deprivation of sleep even though I've slept adequately. Something's wrong with me, really. Wanyi says that I'm just exhausted mentally which is true to a certain extent. But physically, there's something wrong but I just don't know what it is. Maybe I'm dying. Yay, I wish.
I actually went for bball training today, and so fucking much I've deproved. Such a disappointment but ohwell. I'm so fucking lazy anyway. And I just realised how busy I would be if I start treating school like school and not just bum around and sleep while I'm there. I guess it's because promos are really fucking near and I can't afford to waste another year. So perhaps treating school as it is would be a rather good thing for me right now, keeping my mind off stuff yet making the best out of my time. When I need to take a break, I can always just stay at home and hog the tv till I sleep, or listen to my ipod, drink my tea and read a book, write poetry.
In other words, isn't it the best time to MIA? I think it is. So I'm gonna try my best to stay in my abode every other day and only come out when necessary. Besides, I'm lacking the funds to head out anyway. Ha.
8:40 PM
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Everytime I see your face
Everytime you look my way
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right
Ever since you walked away
Left my life in disarray
All I want is one more day
It's all I need
One more day with you.I made a few mistakes, like sometimes we do.
Been through a lot of hard days,
but I still made it back to you.
When I look at my life, how the pieces fall into place.
It just wouldn't rhyme without you.
When I see how my path seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart, the place where we are
Is written in the stars.
I wasn't meant to love like this,
and I don't think I ever could,
Not without you.
7:51 PM
It's 3am in the morning and I just woke up. I guess I dozed off around elevenish while watching cartoons again. Was just so tired, and have been for quite some time recently. Everyday I wake up yet feel nothing but fatigue. However I ain't down with any ailment. Ohwell.
Caught 2 movies today and I only paid 7 buckaroos. Heh. I caught
Fantastic Four with Wanyi at Lido first, before catching
Be With You at Cine with Dawn, Jen, Jaz, Jeannine, and Cheryl. Perhaps like Wanyi said, we're easily entertained people, but I kinda did enjoy Fantastic Four despite how mediocre everyone deemed it to be. Johnny is so fucking cute and Sue (Alba) is so fucking hot. Haha! We missed the first half hour of Be With You because Jaz and Jeannine were late and we ran in the theatre without our tickets being checked. Haha everyone outside were gaping at us. The usher came in and asked us for our tickets not long after tho. I must say I'm quite impressed that he knew it was us. ha. Be With You is rather good actually. A little complex with a fairytale gist of unbelievability to it, but still, I teared. Jaz was crying, so was Jen. It's quite fun to watch movies with them, actually. Haha.
The last show that made me tear and tug the strings of my heart this way was
A Moment To Remember. You occupied my thoughts as I caught these two movies, I don't know why. I guess because I really thought that you were my other half, the one I'd spend a huge part of my life with. Once upon a time, I did. Ohwell, just as long as you're happy now..
3:16 AM
Monday, July 18, 2005
It's hard holding you,
loving you, losing you.
It's sad to be true,
and be fooled by you.
I don't know.
I don't know but I gotta know.
Should I stay or should I go?Your name just constantly repeats itself nor does your songs ever seem to stop replaying themselves in my head. I drown myself trying to breathe in nothing but your essence. I ceased my smiles just to imagine you grinning at me, shut my ears just to hear your laughter ringing in my head. Will you ever come back?
I need you like the ocean needs the waves.I want to pull you back to me, but I can't. You're too far away at shore, far away from me.
12:00 AM
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Out of obligation, I missed Copeland's and Electrico's live performances at Baybeats for a family dinner which in my opinion, was appallingly imbued with hypocrisy. Not only did they made me want to hurl, I swear I could have slapped almost everyone at my table.
So, it's my granny birthday today. Everyone came, inclusive of my aunt who's back from New Zealand for a holiday. Too bad my cousins didn't tag along, my god they are HOT. Especially Christal who was a bartender the last time I saw her. Tony's with a child, shotgun marriage (apparently common in my family) and her daughter's real pretty and adorable. Like her actually. (: So anyway, I was gritting my teeth behind my facade the whole time during dinner. I've never liked my father's side of the family, truthfully. Like I described them to Cheryl, they're downright rotten. Well, just some. Their personality never fails to instigate my irascibility.
Like my cousin who's working about 5 posts below Lee Hsien Long who has a barrel of arrogance stuffed in her belly and spills it all out whenever her mouth gapes open. It's literally disgusting when she converses in her fake English accent and argues with anybody without a tinge of respect for others. She sat beside me earlier, and both she and my unmarried aunt were bitching about other aunts and cousins who were seated not really far away. When she turned to me and started to bitch and gossip, all I could do was to smile and repress my fists from burying themselves into her cheek. I've a strong abhorrence for fucking snobs like her.
My aunts were no better anyway. Except for the one who just came back from New Zealand, and Aunt Susan who is alright actually, she's just a little too lovey-dovey for me to withstand. As for the other two, I kinda dislike them quite a fair bit. Repetition regarding their payment lingered on their lips for quite some time during dinner, and they laughed about how they had to pay for the dinner. Fuck you, seriously. So what, my mom's supposed to provide for you and your family? Kiss my fucking ass, you freeloaders wannabes. Her daughters aren't dumbfucks. The only reason my mouth was shut the entire evening was to contain my angst and resist hurling profanities to divulge my despise for your rotten personalities.
I forewent an awesome performance at Baybeats for bogus smiles, fake laughter, rotten gossip, cynicism and criticism. Yayness. And the whole time I was at the dinner, I could think of msging no one but you. But I didn't anyway. It's not ethical, neither do you seem to want to talk to me right now anyway. sigh. :/
11:23 PM
I'm so sick sick sick.
and when I'm not sick, I'm tired.
I'm sick and tired.
Wanyi's right. I think it's time for my relinquishing period to commence. I've had enough. I just wanna stay home, mug like a dumbfuck, have an affair with my books and poetry, admire the television, and sleep with my ipod blaring in my ears.
2:34 AM
Friday, July 15, 2005
lying to someone you genuinely love and care for really does make you feel like utter fuck, regardless of the circumstances and reasons which made you do so.
I've always been able to lie without the blinking of an eye. I could just look you straight in the eye and lie to you as though conscience has never existed in me. Perhaps that's why I find it rather weird that some people (like my sis) have difficulty in lying thus rather tell the truth and face the consequences that ties in along with it. But I was never of that ilk, almost a complete contradiction of my sister, I lie and get away with many of my misdeamours. Because lying was too easy for me. Simply too fucking chicken feet easy.
But gradually as I walk everyday in life, lying became a chore. Especially to people that I care so much for even if I don't divulge it. With that etched in my brain, I can't lie to my family and friends as well as I did before. Because that feeling of lying to them really makes you downright miserable. Fucking agonizingly terrible. And I abhor it.
1:33 AM
Thursday, July 14, 2005
It's a brand new morning everyday.
With yesterdays as our past, and tomorrows as another step towards our destiny. How you would want to live your day is entirely up to you. You have the full capability to construct each and every bit of your present moment, how you'd wanna go about living it. It's your decision if you'd wanna bring your yesterdays into your present, whether you'd want to harp on yesterday's mistake and continue living in that abyss of despondency as it slowly engulfs every inch of your soul.
Yesterday is just something for us to retrospect upon, learning from every mistake we've committed, and amending them in our todays. We may fall, but we don't let that barricade prevent us from moving forward. We should take it as a stepping stone, learn from it, and not be chained down by it. All of us have the ability to do so, it's whether you're giving yourself a chance to do so or not. Today can be different from yesterday as long as you wake up liberating yourself from the shackles of yesterday's history. Yesterday has passed, itt has happened. we can't turn back the hands of time. But what we can do is to make the best out of it.
There's so much more to the obscurity you've been enveloped in when you continue to hark yourself back and dwell in the misery of yesterday. So much more for you to see, for you to reach out for, for you to obtain and to revel in. You just fail to realise it, the wonders that have been laid out for you, right in front of your eyes. You fail to treasure it, to grab hold of it while it lasted. You're too busy wallowing in ur yesterdays. And I wonder when will you ever give yourself the chance to liberate yourself to a much more meaningful existence. One you rightfully deserve.
Every dusk in its sunset will be followed by dawn with its sunrise. God's sign of a brand new day, His portrayal of the continuation of your path. You may think that it is the end of your road but in fact, you've been clouded by obscurity, narrowing your scope, your perspective. Your path has no end till it brings you to Him. Each new day is an indication for you to step up, and move on. You weave your own today and your tomorrows.
10:18 AM
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
I just wanna specially thank
Wanyi in this entry.
Without her presence in school, I'd honestly dread school every single day. Perhaps I would have already quit. I really appreciate you around, seriously. I look forward to school in the early mornings because I know we'd be walking into school together and having our daily morning people watching sessions. You can even say that its the best time spent in school for me. And it feels especially good to have someone laughing so hard together with you in the early morning. It just starts the day off on a much better note. You keep the smiles on my face. And for that, I thank you. (:
12:04 AM
Monday, July 11, 2005
Sean just wrote me a testimonial on Friendster.
And this is what it states..
sean: XIAO KE AI!
belle: ...
sean: kuchi kuchi kuu!
belle: grrrrrr! roar! chomp! (crunch!)
sean: AHHHHH MY ARM!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
And I actually burst out of my stoned mood into laughter.
Hahahahaha Thanks Sean. :)
11:50 PM
Sunday, July 10, 2005
I want to date you out.
May I?
11:04 PM
It feels good not to be missing anyone that badly.
It feels good not to be anticipating any msges or phonecalls that might not even come.
It feels good not to have a tug in ur heart when you see her with someone else.
It feels good not to be wallowing in misery.
And although it sucks not to receive sweet msges, have hour long phonecalls, to be inundated with the sweet mirth of love,
It still feels good to be liberated from the heartaches it brings.
1:54 AM
Andrea left for Melbourne today.
It still feels as though I'm gonna be seeing her tmr, or the day after. And the fact being that I'm not just.. stings. Albeit I didn't weep like a baby this time around, the feeling saturating me at the moment I watched her walk through the immigration gates wrenched my heart. If only she didn't have to leave, at least not this soon. If only December was tmr. I'm just missing her so much already. :/
Oh, you know besides Adel calling me her Xiao Ke Ai, Andrea's mom said something rather.. provocative. I've no idea whether it's a compliment, really. She said I look or remind her of Momo (Andrea's cocker spaniel). ha, cause we're both small and cute. :/ AND RACHEL JUST HAD TO ADD IN THAT MOMO IS FAT. THANKS ALOT, RACH. (cough-bitch-cough) Haha I'm so going on a diet NOW. :/
So right now, I'm just sitting on my sister's bed and watching her and Yanyu study for As. Promos are like 6 or 7 weeks away. Sophie JUST HAD TO MENTION IT. But if she hadn't, I think I wouldn't have known. So much for taking a long break. Plus I think I failed every single paper, maybe except for Chinese. Ha. :/ Aiyah, screw it. Just fly me to Trinity RIGHT NOW. I'm going to find Cart and Andrea and all the hot people there! Haha! Okay Belle's shutting up now. :/
1:26 AM
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Risque was good.
So much better than the previous party at Indochine the other time around. Music was much better, and so was the crowd. In fact, the crowd was awesome. It was crazily packed, yet I was still having fun. Met
a lot of people there. From ghim moh, CJ, SA, and NP. Plus all the other miscellaneous people. haha. But unfortunately enough, I didn't manage to have the opportunity to dance with all of them. :/ Nonetheless, I'm glad I saw them there. (:
Went for supper at Newton afterwhich with Adel, Andrea, Chang, Leona, and Wanyi. As long as all their other friends. I was famished ya. My only meal was shared with Wanyi in sch. Ha. I was given a new nickname by Adel last night. Xiao Ke Ai. Afterwhich, she'd just come and pinch my cheeks. Even at the dancefloor. :/ Haha but she's really funny anyway.
Jialing and co were at the other side of Newton too. I'm really glad that I've managed to meet Jialing after such a long time. It was good seeing Chow and Deb as well. Haven't seen them in a long while. Ohwell. And I swear if I wasn't that exhausted, I could have killed Alice last night/this morning. You had better start calling me Belle okayy. Just Belle. THANK YOU. haha idiot. And I bet you were damn happy to see me. Even wanted to follow me home when I was leaving. AIYOH. HAHA. It was good seeing you TOO yes? :)
2:35 PM
Forgive me.
I didn't know what I was doing.
Or rather, I didn't know how did it all happen again.
I think I was just under the spell of fallacy.
Perhaps I aggrandized our status quo.
:/
4:46 AM
Friday, July 08, 2005
Happy Birthday Emmo!The one person I knew I'd always love so much at my very first glance at her. (:
I bet you'll have such an awesome time over at Aussie celebrating this special day. You're really someone who has the capability of making everyone around you fall madly in love with you ever so effortlessly. You're such a blessing to every single one of us, and especially to me.
I love you, em. (:
Am missing you dearly.
12:23 AM
Thursday, July 07, 2005
It's starting to get old
That story that untold
Reflect before we walk into
What we already know
Won't be so easy
Looking back at high school drama
Didn't try to fix what we thought were problems
Done with writing empty letters
Is there no other way?
Staring at your reflection every day
Can make or break my heart away
When you won't listen to what's hard for me to say
Those tear stained eyes can make me feel so sad
And once again we're further away from what we never had
There's no sense in regretting what's been said in our yesterdays
We're getting backwards double
We can look ahead
And I would walk so much further just to know what I'm doing here
And there's no end to what I'd give
To know just what you meant when you said
How could I feel alive
When we can't help but break our backs just to survive?
Is this another time we can't control our lives?
Those tear stained eyes can make me feel so sad
And once again we're further away from what we never had
So why should I take your hand
When you can't promise happy endings?
Just run away with so much left to share
It's just not enough
When we're so much more than friends
We're much too young to throw away our cares
11:16 PM
I'm gonna take out my braces next week!! Hohoho! (:
Can't wait to remove all these metal pieces off my mouth. My wife says I'll be licking my teeth like mad, but I think i'll be reveling in every moment of it. Haha. AND another excuse to leave school early next thurs just like I did today. heehee!
Oh, and I received a letter from Ghim Moh inviting me back for Speech Day to receive award(s?) for my academic performances. Haha unbelievable or what! Mom says that she had better call to check if they got the correct person and what kinda award I'm supposed to be receive. She said I must stand FAR AWAY from her if it's some kns prize. Asshole. Haha I'm quite excited though! (:
And I'm liberated from all the fucked up monogamy shit, thanks to The L word. haha! Screw relationships, and lets all just have a good time. (:
Girlfriend!! I wanna borrow the cds PLEASEEE. hahaha.
10:25 PM
I want you back.
We could be so happy together.
And you know that too. :/
12:02 AM
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
I miss somebody.
But I've no idea who. :/
And I really need to go shopping.
Anyone free for a shopping date? ha.
9:22 PM
This is a shoutout to
ALICE.
A new visitor to my humble blog.
She FINALLY got the link here despite how much she's been stalking me. lousy stalker, really. But it's okay, I forgive and embrace your flaws and blemishes. Not only that, she's a chao ah lian who's gonna wear baby pink platforms to indochine this friday. Awesome stuff? Totally. Haha. :D
12:05 AM
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
I wish I could steal away all your time with him,
and have you spend it all with me.
Ha.
10:15 PM
Monday, July 04, 2005
I've been rather self-effacing lately. Living in an unperturbed solitude of my own even as I'm surrounded by the millions. But I guess this reticence is relinquishing the despondency and angst within me. Well, slowly. I just hope it'll evanesce fast enough to salvage whatever that's left for me due to me being such a major screw up. sigh, ohwell.
11:37 PM
This entry is specially going out to
Cheryl.
My closest bona fide friend who knows me inside out. Well, almost. (:
Recently, I've been tangled in many asphyxiating imbroglios instigating the blood of a bitch in me to unearth and portray itself into reality. This reality which is mostly shared with you due to our time spent everyday. You're the one and only friend whom I could actually be so frank with and divulge every single naked truth about me ever so comfortably. Albeit sometimes we talk more about you than me, but it's okay, I'm used to it. Haha. But honestly, there's no one else I'd rather spend each day with. Because you've been really tolerant to everything I've been doing, and have constantly been there for me, even through the times where I completely shut you off and showed you hostility. Thus causing a certain tentativeness whenever you know that there's smth bothering me regarding you. Especially during this period of time whereby there has been quite a bit of tension between the both of us. Despite of which, you still came forward and stayed by my side, doing whatever you could to make sure that I was alright. (:
For everything you've done, I thank you.
Heaven couldn't have brought me a better gift than you.
1:08 AM
Sunday, July 03, 2005
I miss
you.
sigh.
2:27 PM
Pictures of today's outing uploaded under 020705. (:
Thanks to all those that contributed to this lovely time spent.
Andrea, Boon, Chang, Doreen, Sem, Tricia, Wanyi. (:
2:44 AM
I HATE IVAN ONG BLA BLA!
ASSWIPE.
12:50 AM
Saturday, July 02, 2005
"i will let the peace of God rule in my heart and i refuse to worry about anything" says:
and why is mum's bedroom locked?how beautiful you and I would be, endlessly. says:
i dont know
how beautiful you and I would be, endlessly. says:
probably having sex"i will let the peace of God rule in my heart and i refuse to worry about anything" says:
havin sex?"i will let the peace of God rule in my heart and i refuse to worry about anything" says:
impossible right... esp when jarrell's there"i will let the peace of God rule in my heart and i refuse to worry about anything" says:
whhahhow beautiful you and I would be, endlessly. says:
maybe he's sleeping on the floorhow beautiful you and I would be, endlessly. says:
you'll never knowhow beautiful you and I would be, endlessly. says:
you go put ur ear next to the door and tell me if you can hear funny noises.My sister and I rarely converse online, and this is what we talk about when we do. (:
And pics are uploaded under visuals - twits reunion.
Ripped some off Rach's, the rest are from Wanyi. Heh.
2:12 AM
Friday, July 01, 2005
Yes. I'm the one with the major screw up. I'm the one who cannot handle my matters properly. You're absolutely fine, it's just me thinking too much, being overly concerned. I just make too many assumptions regarding you that are fucking superfluous and wrong, since you said it doesn't fucking matter. You're just fine on your own and with whoever else is there. I shouldn't have bothered too much. and for that, I apologise.
Nothing to do with you, everything's just on me.I never said that I wanted you to do anything in the first place anyway. I never did expect anything from you anymore either. And just so you know, you're not adequately knowledgeable of my predicament to even associate my situation with the overall generalisation of the realms you've been divulged to. Because it's not as simple as you assume it to be. You don't know the weigtage of my burdens. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to be knowledgeable of it. Afterall, like you said,
I didn't tell you. And honestly, it's quite disappointing to realise you are unaware of the encapsulation of my being that causes me to react in a disparate manner which you deem erroneous. So yeah, have fun with your life. I'm heading off in a different direction.
And thanks, for liberating my tears.
You did a great job.
1:15 AM
